Coping with Anxiety When You Can't Talk to Your Parents

You find yourself with tension in your back, your neck, an increasing headache that won’t go away, and the realization that you can’t go to your family for support.

If you’re an Asian American experiencing anxiety and felt like you had to navigate it alone because your parents didn’t understand, you’re not alone. This is a common and challenging reality for many of us.

Growing up in an Asian household often shows us reasons our parents may not understand mental health. Whether it is stigma, language barriers, or disbelief in mental health, there are many reasons why we are unable to express ourselves and get the help we need. Let’s explore a path forward and practical tools for managing anxiety, even without that family support.

Language and Stigma

It’s hard to explain complex feelings like anxiety when the direct translation doesn’t exist, or when the concept itself is foreign. For example, growing up Vietnamese, I remember experiencing worry and yet the word was never taught nor known. In today’s translation, it could be lo âu which means worry or unease, but could also be translated as dồn nén which describes the feeling of bottling up stress.

Alongside a language barrier, there exists a stigma of weakness. Our parents survived so much, and the message was often to “be strong” and not complain. Expressing anxiety can feel like a betrayal of that strength. Fong and Tsuang (2007) highlighted that perceiving mental “disorders” as a sign of weakness hindered the likelihood of seeking help.

Altogether, language barriers and the stigma of weakness can show us that it’s difficult to reach for help when we need it. For some folks, their parents want to help, yet also have not learned the language due to community or environment. More on intergenerational trauma and passing of messages in a future article.

Strategies

Chosen family or community

• So that we are on the same page, a chosen group can be a system of friends, partners, or mentors who understand and validate you. They can be found by joining community groups, online groups, or even through like-minded hobbies or sports. The important thing here is that this group lets you feel understood without having to explain your entire cultural background.

Self-validation

• Growing up, there are many mixed messages of support or comparison that often challenge how we feel about ourselves. I encourage you to sit with these phrases: “My feelings are valid. My anxiety is real. I’m allowed to feel this way.” Journaling is a great tool to use in this moment to process your internal world and listen to what it wants you to hear.

Seek professional help

• Therapy is a step to align yourself with your own voice, strongly and confidently. It can be a space to follow a thought, experience an emotion, or be curious about yourself. Working with a culturally competent therapist who understands these struggles can reduce barriers to treatment and really “get you.”

Conclusion

Living with anxiety takes strength and resiliency. It can also be more difficult when paired with parents who may not understand or support you, but it does not mean you are alone or that the struggle is not real. You have the strength to continue managing it and taking control of your life for the peace you deserve.

Reference:

Fong TW, & Tsuang J (2007). Asian-Americans, addictions, and barriers to treatment. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 4(11), 51.